I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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