i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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