somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
