Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As shirtless as possible
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
