Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
