I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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