I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
