I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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