But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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