I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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