She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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