I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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