OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
