you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
