Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it glows. i had to have it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
