We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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