i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
