alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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