My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's shark week go big or go home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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