When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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