Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
