Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
