i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
