I want to stick my p in your. b.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
