When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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