Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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