Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How's work?
Spinning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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