Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
