Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
