I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
