I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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