what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
