Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
