It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
