My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
