you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
