I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
