that's an acceptable place to lick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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