i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
