We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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