i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
