ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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