I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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