I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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