guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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