I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
