Having a random hookup so left but love u
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
