I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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