they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
