Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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