I'm so fucking centered right now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
