i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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