i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
