I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize