Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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