i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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