i already hear my dad disowning me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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