You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
