It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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