apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
