Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
