Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
