I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
