he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
