we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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