As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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