...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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