burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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