your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
